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76 rules of nu-metal

76 RULES OF NU METAL 1. Must have spikey hair with frosted tips. 2. Must rap. 3. Must whine when not rapping. 4. Must tell people that you`re real metal because you listen to Korn and Limp Bizkit. 5. All your lyrics must be about suicide, how shitty your life is and it must angry. 6. Everyone who has long hair is a hippie and gay. 7. Iron Maiden are not metal, they`re "gay 70`s/80`s shit". 8. Korn are the gods metal. 9. Manson rules in your book, even though he`s shock rock. 10. Must wear baggy ass pants that cover your feet so you can trip over them on stage. 11. If you don`t have spikey hair, but rather dreads instead, you fuckin` rule! 12. Must tell people that not only are you "metal" but you`re gothic as well. 13. Must insult your fans everytime you`re on stage. 14. Must insult your band members everytime you`re on stage. 15. Must think every band not on MTV or K-Rock, suck. 16. Must only be popular in the U.S. any place else would be uncivilized. 17. Must praise MTV for giving your shitty band a chance to rake in the dough. 18. Must buy a full length nu metal album just for the one hit wonder. Disregard all other songs. 19. You are only allowed to play 2 chords. Anything higher then 2 means you`re too talented for the band. 20. If you don`t hop up and down on stage, you suck. 21. When a new trend breaks in and you don`t change, you`re band is washed up and has always sucked. 22. If your favorite band is no longer popular, you must turn your back on them and make fun of them every chance you get. 23. Must make fun of every band that was popular in the past because they`re no longer cool. 24. If you just recently got into In Flames, you`re fuckin` bad ass. 25. Must think you`re satanic, even though you don`t own a satanic bible. 26. Korn`s album "Life is Peachy" is so fuckin` satanic. 27. Must like at least one Britney Spears song, and the only reason you like it is because the music video was "gully". 28. When doing an interview you must talk really low, say "like" a lot, and at the same time, talk as if you were raised in the ghetto, even though you`re a white boy who lived in a mansion growing up. 29. Must say you love your fans, but the second they download one of your songs off the internet, you tear them a new asshole, because even though you have millions of dollars, your money`s more important. 30. Only start a band for the money, not for the love of the music. 31. Metallica are your heroes. 32. Fat John Davis from, Korn is hot and sexy. 33. Fred Durst is bad ass because he mentions his band name in every fuckin` song, but if a band like, Manowar does it, it`s not cool. 34. Must worship, Slipknot. 35. You must think Slipknot are the greatest "metal" band on the planet, even if they do suck. 36. Static-X are death metal because they toured with, Morbid Angel. You`re not allowed to like them anymore. 37. One hit wonders, Drowning Pool are cool and the lead singer isn`t really dead. He`s just chillin`. 38. Must like at least one emo punk song. If you don`t, you`re a loser. 39. MTV is the greatest channel ever. 40. Carson Daly is cool. 41. That fat bald guy on MTV is soooooo metal and you worship his fatness. 42. There`s no such thing as the underground. 43. Nu metal is the only metal in existence. 44. Korn`s "Shoots and Ladder`s" makes you cry. 45. "Shoots and Ladder`s" is a power ballad that sooooo rules. 46. WWE Forceable Entry is the greatest "metal" comp. in the world. 47. Must only watch the Resident Evil movie for the music, fuck the games, fuck the story. 48. Life`s a bitch. 49. Must like, Rage Against the Machine. 50. Must hate society, the government and the media, but want to be played all over MTV to make a lot of money and play big ass concerts in arena`s. 51. Any music before 2001 is old. 52. I Know What You Did Last Summer and all 3 Scream movies are the best "horror" movies out there. 53. Who`s Jason Voorhees? 54. You gotta like at least one rap album. 55. You hated, Ozzy Osbourne 5 years ago, but now that the Ozzfest has a band list of nu metal, he`s your idol. 56. Must rip off every single "riff" from, Korn and Limp Bizkit, combine them and claim they`re yours. 57. If you don`t like, Pantera, you`re not a bad ass and you`re soooo gay. 58. Pantera were never glam, got it? 59. Black metal scares you. 60. Death metal scares you. 61. Power metal makes you fear sharp objects. 62. Glam Rock makes you cream your pants because they sing about parties and sex, but is still "gay 80`s shit". 63. Must get into, Quiet Riot because, Manson let them play at a party of his. 64. "Faith" was written by, Fred Durst. 65. You`re gay. 66. Anything loud is metal. 67. Must think people fear you, yet in reality, they are laughing at you. 68. Must drink beer just too look cool and then cry when you throw up. 69. Heh, heh, 69. 70. Must wanna fuck, Britney Spears and then steal one of "her" songs. 71. The more you curse, the more bad ass you are. 72. The more you talk about how shitty life is, the cooler you are. 73. Linkin Park are so talented. 74. Staind are cool because they bitch about things. Bitching is cool. 75. Manowar are not the loudest band in the world, Korn are because they`re popular and cool. 76. And last but not least, you must be voted the #1 greatest "metal" band of all time in Hit Parader magazine because you had one, ONE, hit and you`re extremely bad ass and heavypo***r = p_o_p_u_l_a_r 77. Must be married with an ex-porn star or at least ex-Playmate, especially if you`re a band frontman. 78. If you have no tattoo, you suck. 79. If you have no bling, you suck. 80. Must call your fans "kids" - they`ll be satisfied. 81. If you have no "Paxxie" sticker on your album sleeve, you ain`t true kickass. 82. One guitar player ain`t enough. Honestly one drummer too. More honestly one voice too, you need two: one for whining and other for emceeing.
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